Good News!

I have an appointment with the oncologist today.  Jessi is going with me--I can never tell when I am going to get more bad news, so I want someone with me.  So I get my blood drawn and they do "labs" on me.  And then I go for a dexa scan which analyzes bone density.  Cancer makes me more vulnerable to fractures, so this test helps predict where this might happen.  It's a 10-minute procedure, totally painless and uncomplicated. 

Then I wait for the oncologist.  He just looks at me for awhile, assessing me, I think.  "So tell me about your pain," he says.  So I tell him about the PMR (polymyalgia rheumatica) which causes a lot of pain and how it's hard to tell the difference between this and cancer pain.  (I know now that it's when the pain is consistent and increasing that I have to worry about it.)  And I tell him about the pain in my neck.

He gets quiet and I feel like I have to lead the conversation.  What I want to know is, what's next.  What is the next course of treatment that I have to endure, and what are the side-effects?  This is where the good news starts.  He wants to put me on this intravenous medicine that strengthens bones and helps with bone pain.  It's also well-tolerated, meaning that I shouldn't have bad side-effects.  Okay, that sounds good--strengthens bones, no side-effects.  "What else?"

"Nothing else right now." 

"Well, the radiologist mentioned maybe chemo in the form of a pill."

"No, that's down the road.  We'll run this medicine for all it's worth, and then there are several others we can try after that."

"Okay.  That's great!"  I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  "So how long would you say I have to live?  The radiologist said maybe one or two years."

He frowns, "Oh, I think he underestimated how long you have.  I've treated people with metastatic bone cancer for several years."

"Oh!"  Really?  Thank you, God.

I feel a huge weight lift that I didn't even know I was carrying.  I still have terminal cancer.  But I don't have to smash the rest of my life into one year.  The doctor also tells me that when cancer metastasizes to the bones, it doesn't usually go anywhere else--just to other bones.  This is a relief to me because I envisioned the cancer spreading at any moment to other organs, which could be fatal.  The downside is that bone cancer is very painful.  I already know this.  Hmmm.  I won't think about that yet.

This is all good news.  There is no bad news in it.  Finally...some good news.

It seems like every time I've blogged, it's been all bad news and melodrama.  Those are the things that have moved me and disturbed me.  Troubling things that I've had to work through.  But I don't "live" there.  I grieve but I don't stay there.  I "live" in joy and I "live" in peace.  Those are the things that characterize my life and I intend that they always will.

So I rejoice in this--maybe I have more time to live!  Praise the Lord who hears and answers the prayers of his people!  Praise the Lord who gives joy in the middle of trials!  Praise the Lord who gives and takes away!  Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

Nehemiah 8:10b