You Are the God Who Sees Me

This story starts about 13 years ago--well, actually, longer than that....  My testimony usually includes the theme of me feeling invisible from the time I was little.  This wasn't my family's fault; they were all just so dominant or funny or outgoing or chatty--or all of the above.  I was much quieter and my role was often that of a listener.  So about 13 years ago, I was left out of a faculty/staff directory.  This was the last of several events in a row that left me feeling like no one noticed if I was there, or missed me if I wasn't.  (This was a lie, of course, that Satan used, to make me want to give up.)

On Saturday morning, I was lying in bed crying to God about this, looking out the window at the leaves swaying in the breeze, when this phrase was impressed on my mind:  "If no one else sees you, I see you."  I immediately thought God had "spoken" to me and I cried about the tenderness of the message.  But I'm not used to getting messages from God, and I am perfectly capable of making up nice things in my own mind to assuage my grief.  I have learned to look for confirmation.

Later that night, I was reading the next section out of my One Year Bible.  I never read these on the assigned date, because I skip days, but the next night's reading was from Genesis 16.  It was the story of Abraham and Hagar, where she said of God, "You are the God who sees me."  I quickly decided that I didn't make up the "message," and I have believed ever since then that my God is a God who sees me too, even if no one else is paying attention.

So, back to the present--when I got to my first class at 9:00 a.m. on Tuesday, I noticed that several girls were wearing hot pink t-shirts with a scripture verse on it.  I didn't think much about it, because the different dorm floors often make their own t-shirts and wear them.  No one said anything about it and class went on as usual.

Then Becky stopped in after class to tell me this story right before chapel.  She had a dream about a month ago and I was in it.  She said that people were dressed alike and she was singing in chapel a song she had written.  When she woke up, she thought about the fact that she indeed was scheduled to lead the praise team in chapel in about a month.  She realized she had chosen three of the four songs already and she could include that one too.  She said it didn't really fit with the others, but she decided to sing it anyway--for me.  I could tell she felt a little odd about this but thought she was supposed to do it for some reason.

When I walked into chapel, I saw that about half the crowd had hot pink t-shirts on.  I was amazed and I wondered why I didn't know about this effort to buy/sell t-shirts and wear them all on the same day at chapel.  I asked Jen about it and she pointed to her t-shirt and said, "This is your life-verse, Mrs. Green.  We're wearing these t-shirts today to encourage you."  I was stunned.  I hadn't noticed what the verse was:  "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear [some versions say 'be amazed'] and put their trust in the LORD" (Psalm 40:3).

I couldn't believe it.  I kept thinking, "All these people bought a t-shirt just to encourage me."  How did they pull this off without me knowing?  Whose idea was this?  And all these people bought a t-shirt just to encourage me!

Then Becky sang the first song, the song she had written, the song she had dreamed about singing in chapel where everyone had the same clothes on, from a dream she didn't tell her husband about until he gave her the hot pink t-shirt to wear in chapel.  The song about trials that she was singing for me, for some reason.

And the refrain from Becky's song was, "You are the God who sees me; you are the God who sees me."

Thank you, Becky.  Thank you, Ben and Jonathan and everyone who bought a t-shirt.

Thank you, Living One Who Sees Me.